You are going to be a hero and I’m your biggest fan.

I’m not down on you, I have high hopes for what you will become.

Hopes for what kind of man you can be and what kind of family you are going to have. 

But you must defeat 3 inner enemies if you’re going to become the man little boys pretend to be.

You have what it takes to defeat each of them. And you know where to find them.

It’s not a difficult search, it’s a difficult quest. They are right with you. Alive inside of you. 

Every admirable man you know has faced them down and works hard to keep their shoulders pinned to the ground.

You will need a plan, some tools, and a guide.

Every hero needs a guide who has won their own battles.

I’m happy to play that role in your life.

I can’t do this for you, but I can help. 

Here are your 3 inner enemies to masculinity:

The Enemy: Simpleton

Description

The Simpleton is a man under the influence. Sometimes under the influence of a tempter or temptress, but just as often under the power of drugs, food, recreation, alcohol, Netflix, and/or video games.

He is a man of the current culture, not ancient wisdom.

In biblical wisdom literature the word “simple” means to entice or seduce.

The Hebrew word can be a noun or a verb just like “fool.”

In English a fool is fooled. In Proverbs the Simpleton is seduced.

Proverbs 22:3 The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it. 

This is a man on auto-pilot. He is hoping that things will sort of work themselves out. 

He can see the storm on the horizon, and may even realize what his enticements are doing to his marriage, but he doesn’t take cover. 

Proverbs 14:15 The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.

This is a man who hasn’t taken the time to question common wisdom.

He’s not curious about how life really works.

He hears what people are doing and simply thinks that’s the way to do it.

• Sex

• College

• Kids

• Church

• Marriage

He’s not really leading his family so much as following the rest of culture.

If it’s what people are watching, it’s what his family is watching.

If it’s where people are going, it’s where his family is going.

His family is being led, but not by him.

Proverbs 1:32 For the simple are killed by their turning away,

The Simpleton is not someone who doesn’t have the mental capacity to lead with clarity, he's someone who doesn’t have the willingness to do so. 

Families are harmed by simple men because simple men are shirkers, squirmers, and weak men who turn away from what they know they must do. 

Proverbs 1:24-26 Because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you,

Wisdom laughs at the Simpleton, not because it was his fate to squander a marriage to a good woman, or fritter away his life on things that leave no lasting legacy to his children, but because it was his fault. 

Through the bad influence of culture, weakness of character, and willfully turning away from wisdom the Simpleton has successfully avoided all of Wisdom’s pleading. 

Every man hears the call to masculinity.

It’s an alarm within us that pulls us to lead, serve, and sacrifice.

Wisdom laughs at how hard the Simpleton has worked to mute that voice.

The Plan: Get better friends.

13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

You need better friends.

You need to be in close proximity to men who walk in wisdom.

Especially look for men with happy, confident wives.

If you’re a Simpleton you’ll find that you don’t have much in common with that type of man.

That’s the point. 

At some point in life you began to gravitate towards bad influencers.

You developed a taste for what Proverbs calls “folly” or foolishness. 

You hoped to keep life segregated into distinct parts: 

• Foolishness and folly over here.

• Adulthood and family over there.

But folly is pervasive and intrusive.

Character issues always invade. 

Now you are surrounded by bad influences.

It’s time for a change.

You need better friends.

You need friends with good marriages.

You need friends who are aiming their children at being the kind of adult you wish you already were. 

Your new plan is to walk through life with the wise so that you become wise.

Find your new tribe.

Look for men who are getting healthy in 4 important areas: 

• Food/Fitness

• Finances/Work

• Friends/Family

• Fearing God/Following Jesus

This is your hero story and every hero has a weakness.

Weakness

Proverbs 15:21 Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,

Until you become wise, you are unlikely to enjoy the company of wise.

You are already doing what you like to do.

What seems normal to you. You just don’t like the results.

The question is, “do you like doing what you’re doing more than you dislike the results?”

Wisdom can become a joy and a pleasure, but at first it will just seem like hard work. 

The enemy: Sluggard

Description

The Sluggard is the man who thinks, “one of these days I’m going to change.”

Proverbs 6:9 How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?

Proverbs 6:10-11 A little sleep a little slumber a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come upon you like a robber and need like a bandit.

The Sluggard hides actual change behind his willingness to change.

He is the man who believes that a new life is right around the corner. 

20:4 The sluggard does not plow in the autumn; he will seek at harvest and have nothing. 

Men like this believe in putting in the work required to lead a family.

They understand the mandate of masculinity to love, serve, and sacrifice but will discover that it is execution, not appreciation of these qualities, that leads to a “harvest.”

A Sluggard doesn’t recognize that there are seasons to relationships.

He’s never counted up the loss of being distracted through is wife’s 20s.

He’s miscalculated the effect of being emotionally absent as her parents age, she goes gray, and her body changes.

He has deceived himself into believing that there are plenty of birthday parties, anniversaries, and funerals to attend.

He will one day go to pick fruit from his relationships at harvest, but find he missed the season of planting and has nothing. 

19:24 The sluggard buries his hand in the dish and will not even bring it back to his mouth.

The Sluggard comes up with plans that he never executes.

Or he will start a new initiative that he knows will make a difference in his life, but fails to follow through.

His gym membership key-chain snitches on him.

He is a starter not a finisher.

His unread books.

The small group he dropped out of.

The daily prayer time that he initiated with his wife but now hopes she forgot about.

He doesn’t mind starting and doesn’t notice stopping.

26:14 As a door turns on its hinges, so does a sluggard on his bed.

The Sluggard will claim he is overcome.

He’ll tell his friends that he is covered up with things to do and not enough time to get it all done.

But in truth, he is not overcome with life, he is overcome by ease.

He is the kind of man that has come to equate discomfort with harm, and may never know the gain of the hard choice.

10:26 Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to those who send him.

The Sluggard is a constant irritant to those who count on him.

His wife is tired of hearing about how he will change.

It’s not that she doesn’t believe him, it’s that she’s no longer listening.

She only rolls her eyes because his excuses blow smoke in them. 

The Plan: Learn from diligent men

Proverbs 6:6-8 Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.

You must learn from your more diligent friends.

Not everyone has acquired a taste for ease and comfort.

Look around you.

It may be hard to imagine but there are people who have learned to be comfortable with discomfort.

There are people who understand that difficult things are usually a series of easier things.

They may not have all of life together.

They may not be good examples of fatherhood, financial wisdom or following Jesus.

But Proverbs tells you that you can learn from anyone, even an ant.

Weakness

15:19 The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway. 

You have a tendency to think of life as a mysterious set of circumstances (hedge of thorns) and wonder why things don’t seem to work out for you.

In reality, most of life is a clear path of execution for which you alone bear responsibility.

26:16 The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly. 

You need to know that it’s difficult to talk to you.

Even if you knew seven solid men who could turn your life around all seven would find it hard to talk to you, 

What's more, unless you change, you would find it hard to listen.

The Enemy: Scoffer

Description

Scoffers are the worst.

14:6 A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain, but knowledge is easy for a man of understanding.

Scoffers are intelligent and like to be seen as such.

Their search for wisdom is noticeable and gives them credibility with people they want to impress.

But their search for wisdom doesn’t improve their own life. 

13:1 A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. 

The Scoffer loves to be seen as a teacher, but has never proven himself a student.

9:8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

The Scoffer is on an endless search to acquire information, and an endless quest to avoid correction. 

15:12 A scoffer does not like to be reproved; he will not go to the wise.

The Scoffer changes his mind only on the basis of what he learns alone. He resents learning in public.

29:8 Scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away wrath.

The Scoffer doesn’t do the damage of a common fool, but sets the world on fire with conversation and manipulation.

He is not bold enough to speak directly to problems but spreads trouble around the edges.

24:9 The devising of folly is sin, and the scoffer is an abomination to mankind.

The Scoffer’s most basic effect is being a bad influence on others (often the Simple). 

To the Scoffer

Proverbs 19:25 Strike a scoffer, and the simple will learn prudence; reprove a man of understanding, and he will gain knowledge.

People listen to you.

But here’s something you may never have realized.

The people who listen to you probably fall into the category of a Sluggard, a Simpleton, or a just a common fool.

The wise people in your life tend to frustrate you.

You respect them and realize that you would like to have influence with them like you do others, but it just never works out.

Sometimes you have even found that they can be harsh with you.

Not only do they not ask for help, but they actively work against you or “drive you out.” 

There's something that you need to know: Wise people aren’t trying to get you to change. They are making an example of you.

Proverbs 22:10 Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

This could not be a more serious scenario.

It’s going to be difficult for you to face this truth: Things improve when you are out of the picture.

When people finally get up the courage to move away from a relationship with you their lives get better. 

You must change.

You can change.

But all the ways that you are right and others are wrong will keep you from wanting to change.

It is your rightness, not your wrongness that threatens your relationships.

The Plan: Humble yourself.

3:34 Toward the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor.

If you are a Scoffer and you’re still listening/reading, there is hope for you.

Maybe you’ve hit enough relational roadblocks and blamed everyone else for long enough.

Likely everyone else is gone and it comes down to only you and God. 

He has created the world in such a way that you only have two choices, be scorned or be humble.

You can protect yourself or preserve your relationships, but you can’t do both.